But--I'll make
one more try at it.
I had no special purpose in life last October. I meant to do a little
good in the world if I could--without too much trouble. Some time or
other I supposed I should marry--intended to put it off as long as I
could. I saw no reason why I shouldn't travel all I wanted to; it was the
one thing I really cared for with enthusiasm. I didn't appreciate much
what a selfish life I was leading, how I was neglecting the one person in
the world who loved me and was anxious about me. Your little sister,
Ruth, opened my eyes to that, by the way. I shall always thank her for
it. I hadn't known what I was missing.
I don't know how the change came about. You charmed me, yet you made me
realize every time I was with you that I was not the sort of man you
either admired or respected. I felt it whenever I looked at any of the
people in your home. Every one of them was busy and happy; every one of
them was leading a life worth while. Slowly I waked up. I believe I'm
wide awake now. What's more, nothing could ever tempt me to go to sleep
again. I've learned to _like_ being awake!
You decreed that I should keep away from you all these months.
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