I shall kill myself
before madness comes and rest oblivious of life and all things, even of
God's wrath, until the dreadful waking.
For some time longer she continued standing motionless, watching the
sun, now sinking behind a dark cloud, then emerging and lighting up the
dim interior of her room and her stone-white, desolate face.
Then once more her servants came back, and with them Editha, who had
been found on the road to Salisbury, half-way there.
Left alone together, the queen took the maid by the hand and led her to
a seat, then fell on her knees before her and clasped her legs and
begged her forgiveness. When the maid replied that she had forgiven her,
and tried to raise her up, she resisted, and cried: No, I cannot rise
from my knees nor loose my hold on you until I have confessed to you and
you have promised to save me. Now I see in you not my maid who combs my
hair and ties my shoe-strings, but one that God loves, whom he exalts
above the queens and nobles of the earth, and while I cling to you he
will not strike. Look into this heart that has hated him, look at its
frightful passions, its blood-guiltiness, and have compassion on me! And
if you, O Editha, should reply to me that it is his will, for he has
said it, that every soul shall save itself, show me the way.
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