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Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander), 1882-1956

"Not that it Matters"

Nobody
thinks that a self-tied tie matters; nobody is really proud of
being able to make a cravat out of a length of silk. I suppose it
is simply the fact that a made-up tie saves time which condemns
it; the safety razor was nearly condemned for a like reason. We
of the leisured classes can spend hours over our toilet; by all
means let us despise those who cannot.
As far as dress goes, a man only knows the things which a man
mustn't do. It would be interesting if women would tell us what
no real lady ever does. I have heard a woman classified
contemptuously as one who does her hair up with two hair-pins,
and no doubt bad feminine form can be observed in other shocking
directions. But again it seems to be that the semblance of
poverty, whether of means or of leisure, is the one thing which
must be avoided.
Why, then, should the wasp gun be considered bad form? I don't
know, but I have an instinctive feeling that it will be. Perhaps
a wasp gun indicates a lack of silver spoons suitable for lethal
uses. Perhaps it shows too careful a consideration of the
marmalade. A man of money drowns his wasp in the jar with his
spoon, and carelessly calls for another pot to be opened. The
poor man waits on the outskirts with his gun, and the marmalade,
void of corpses, can still be passed round. Your gun proclaims
your poverty; then let it be avoided.
All the same I think I shall have one.


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