2. Speak of everybody by his Christian name or his nick-name.
3. If you think a man ought to have a nickname, invent one for him.
4. Employ stock quotations wherever they are least required, and give
a music-hall flavour to every report.
5. If possible, misquote.
6. Avoid all simple language.
7. Patronise all titled sportsmen, and pat wealthy bookmakers on the
back.
8. Never miss an opportunity of showing that you are on familiar terms
with the sun, moon, rain, wind, and weather in general. Do this, as
a rule, by means of classical tags vulgarised down to the level of a
costermonger's cart.
9. Spin out your sentences.
10. Mix up your metaphors, moods, tenses, singulars, plurals, and the
sense generally.
11. Refer often to "the good old days" you don't remember, and bewail
the decadence of sport of all kinds.
12. Occasionally be haughty and contemptuous, and make a parade of
rugged and incorruptible honesty. In short, be as vain and offensive
as you can.
13. Set yourself up as an infallible judge of every branch of sport
and athletics.
_First Example_.--Event to be reported: An American pugilist arrives
at Euston, and is received by his English friends and sympathisers.
O'FLAHERTY IN ENGLAND.
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