So much of our
early gladness vanishes utterly from our memory: we can never recall the
joy with which we laid our heads on our mother's bosom or rode on our
father's back in childhood. Doubtless that joy is wrought up into our
nature, as the sunlight of long-past mornings is wrought up in the soft
mellowness of the apricot, but it is gone for ever from our imagination,
and we can only BELIEVE in the joy of childhood. But the first glad
moment in our first love is a vision which returns to us to the last,
and brings with it a thrill of feeling intense and special as the
recurrent sensation of a sweet odour breathed in a far-off hour
of happiness. It is a memory that gives a more exquisite touch to
tenderness, that feeds the madness of jealousy and adds the last
keenness to the agony of despair.
Hetty bending over the red bunches, the level rays piercing the screen
of apple-tree boughs, the length of bushy garden beyond, his own emotion
as he looked at her and believed that she was thinking of him, and that
there was no need for them to talk--Adam remembered it all to the last
moment of his life.
And Hetty? You know quite well that Adam was mistaken about her. Like
many other men, he thought the signs of love for another were signs of
love towards himself.
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