.. of course, I
could do it as well, or anyone else with a rhyming turn ... but he was
the originator ... and people liked his sturdy common sense, his
wholesome optimism.
"Now Bill is happy; his stuff's syndicated--in thousands of households
wherever English is spoken his name is a familiar word. He gives whole
communities strength to go on with the common duties of life."
"And his drinking?"
"He has conquered that entirely ... once every so often the fit comes
over him--the craving for it--then, when Uncle Bill turns up missing, as
the Irishman puts it, none of us worries....
"We all know he has hitched up his horse and buggy and is off, driving
and driving and driving across country, to work the fit out ... no, he
never touches anything stronger than tobacco and coffee now....
"In a few days he comes back ... no one says a word ... we all know ...
and love and respect him....
"He's happy now, is Uncle Bill ... married a young wife ... has a home
all his own ... money piling up in the bank."
* * * * *
Ally Merton smiled quizzically when I spoke of Uncle Bill to him....
"Yes, Uncle Bill's a fine, quaint old chap ... whenever he has a tiff
with his wife--of course, never anything serious--he locks himself in
the kitchen ... closes all the windows ... smokes up terrifically with
his corncob .
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