While in the bush, this
conviction only impressed itself partially, but a return to town
extended and confirmed it. When we are in daily contact and
intercourse with an immense number of persons, some of whom we
like, while we dislike or feel indifferent about many others, we
find a difficulty in avoiding one man's acquaintance without
offending him, or of keeping another at a distance without an
insult. It is not easy to treat your superiors with respect void of
sycophancy, or to be friendly with those you prefer, and at the
same time to steer clear of undue familiarity, adapting yourself to
circumstances and persons, and, in fact, doing always the right
thing at the proper time and in the best possible manner. I used to
be rather proud of saying that it was necessary for strangers to
know me for some time before they liked me. I am almost ashamed now
not to have had sense enough to see that this arose from sheer
awkwardness and stupidity on my part; from the absence of address,
and a careless disregard of the rules of society, which necessarily
induce a want of self-confidence, a bashful reserve, annoying to
sensible people and certainly not compensated for by the possession
of substantial acquirements, hidden, but not developed, and
unavailable when wanted.
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